Help Overcoming Fears

Here’s how a spiritual message compelled Martha, a successful physician, to develop her emotional intelligence and spiritual intelligence in tandem. “I had finished a written examination for my medical boards,” Martha told me, her voice trembling as she recalled the experience. “Unbeknownst to me, somebody had copied my answers and both of our exams were disqualified. I was told that I had to take the exam over. I cried. My dad said that if I fought this decision, I would never win. I was close to the head of the general medical clinic where I was working, and he knew how the board worked. He too said, ‘You are not going to win. Nobody is going to listen to you. Are you joking?’ “

At the time, I was just getting interested in spirituality, and a friend who knew far more about spiritual matters than I did encouraged me to fight for my rights. She explained that it was important spiritually for me to defend myself when I was in the right. She said that although it was right to trust in God, I shouldn’t think that God would always take care of me without my trying to take care of myself. Because of this advice, I decided to find a lawyer, go against the odds, and fight the decision. I just wanted to show that I hadn’t done anything wrong. But I was also very scared.” When I discussed this with Martha, we agreed that the principle of mine that captured what she had in mind at the time was “Place your hope in no one but God.” That was the only thing that kept her going through her ordeal, a desire to act on her faith and truly place her hope in God.

After several agonizing months, Martha and her lawyer went to Chicago and met with the examination board and their lawyers. “My lawyer proved everything to their satisfaction,” she told me. “They quickly apologized to me and released my grade. All of my professors at school were surprised. I learned from this that I should always say something in the face of a wrong, not just go away and hide. It was my right to win the case, but I had to take action to assert that right.”

Martha’s message was written into a material situation (the conflict with the medical board), gained force through a heightened psychological state (her fear of confronting authorities and her desire to rely on God), and was announced by an unexpected external event (her easy success) that drew her attention to an inner spiritual impact (a new feeling of inner strength). Her message confirmed that she had been right to put her hope in God, not passively, but actively, by speaking out in her own defense. There was no reason to be as fearful as she was.

As a result of this experience, she felt encouraged to take more stands to promote her own interests and leave the results in God’s hands. We don’t develop the virtue of courage merely by meditating on courage, but by acting with courage in situations that are difficult for us. That’s exactly what Martha set out to do—develop more courage by putting her hope in God in those situations that filled her with fear. Each morning, she would think about what she might be afraid of that day, plan a way to assert herself, and remember to put her hope in God. What are some of the actions she took? She prepared herself to speak in a group, assert herself with colleagues, and not be intimidated by patients who were demanding. She pushed herself to ask for a raise, confront a coworker who was taking advantage of her, and voice her opinions with friends. Her efforts over the months and years that followed led to greater self-awareness and a greater overall emotional competence. She also developed a greater understanding of what she had a right to expect from putting her hope in God and what she didn’t. She was developing her spiritual intelligence and improving her everyday life at the same time. (chapter 10, pages 181-184)