I have been working on my self-centeredness for innumerable years but been telling you about several of the ways I do it in recent months to try to encourage you to choose an issue that your messages seem active in and keep your focus on it.
This past week, my perception of myself changed in a way that I never before experienced in my life. I was no longer self-centered in the same way that I had been. I was still the same person; but Paul, my old “I”, was no longer the center of my being. He was no longer the center of the universe, even his universe. Of course, he had always known intellectually that he wasn'tnot the center of the universe, but he couldn't escape living as if he were even though it caused problems and anxieties.
So when this change came, it was with a feeling of relief, a feeling of being in touch with reality. There was no feeling of accomplishment or sense of glory. I am not filled with love even though I feel closer to God. An image popped into my mind, like a diagram in a classroom presentation. Paul, this “I” who I still was, am no longer at the center of my perception but am simply moved intact about an inch to the right in this four inch diagram. This Paul looked just like a tomato seed with his own likes and dislikes. This larger part of myself on the left didn't have a center, or if it did it was out of my awareness.
So this Paul can't really be spiritual. It isn't in Paul's nature to be spiritual. He is of this world. For him spirituality has been an interest like any other, an effort like any other. He did it because something inside of him pushed him to do it. Now he knows the benefit of it. So, he'll continue carrying on with life in much the same way, relieved that he doesn't have to make more of life than it is. I ask my wife Susan who is sitting next to me as I write if I am any different. It is reassuring for she doesn't see any difference.
The details aren't important, nor the changes over the past six months that I now see had been presaging this larger change. The main point is that if you follow your messages and keep up the pressure on yourself for change--week after week, month after month and year after year, you will see small signs that confirm your progress. If you are heartened and become more systematic in your approach, you'll experience the kind of larger level of change that this more rational approach predicts: that if you don't weaken your everyday self but strengthen your soul that it will eventually become strong enough to nudge this everyday self off center where it will still continue to function as before. You will then still continue to struggle and cope with everyday life as you did before but with a different awareness of the spiritual value of everyday life.
If you have any experiences of the steps that confirmed your direction and changes in your thinking, particularly those not associated with strong emotion which are very well-documented, please share them by sending a comment to this newsletter http://www.decodeyourmessages.com/content/repeat-experience-being-little-less-self-centered or entering your own experience at http://decodeyourmessages.com/node/add/experience.